


Worth a shot

by Ruquas



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Communication, Insecure Steve Rogers, Insecurity, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Misunderstandings, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruquas/pseuds/Ruquas
Summary: Steve knows that Tony wants something. Needs something. Would like to try something.Steve just doesn't know if he can help Tony.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for beta reading this, Silvertail <3
> 
> This fic is finished and will be updated every Tuesday.

Steve was nervous. There was no other way to say it. No way around it. And it made him angry because he shouldn’t be nervous. They were two adults. They could talk about… _such things_. 

God, Steve really didn’t want to be here. But he had to, because this, _this_ , was probably what his mother meant when she told him that, someday, he would need to make compromises he may not even want to think about.

It started out harmless. Nothing that made Steve suspicious. 

After he and Tony started dating, he learned that Tony sometimes liked to just be petted, but who didn’t? Sometimes, he was quieter than Steve would’ve expected, but that was fine, too. And the sex was just… wow. Tony was as enthusiastic about sex as the tableoids said. He loved to be held down a bit, and enjoyed the playful nips the dames a long time ago weren’t happy with. And no matter what Steve did, Tony always asked for _more_ and _harder_.

Maybe that should’ve been an indicator to stop Steve. But it wasn’t. It only happened after Steve apologized for a playful bite that was harder than he intended, after he noticed he’d bruised Tony’s wrists slightly.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. More than that,” Tony had panted, pupils dilated. Steve pressed a few light kisses around Tony’s ear.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Steve had whispered, not really registering the, “Yeah, I know. It’s still a shame, though,” from Tony.

Only after they showered, after Steve put new sheets on, did his brain seem to catch up. 

“What did you mean by that?”

“Huh?”

“That it’s a crying shame that I won’t hurt you?”

And Tony was… quiet. Not the same quiet when he sat somewhere and read. Or when he lay on the floor and just stared at the ceiling, thinking about some new technical thing, or what he wanted to eat. More like... he was thinking of ways to avoid this situation.

“It can wait until tomorrow,” Tony decided.

Steve barely slept the whole night. It wasn’t even the remark about the hurting; it was the way Tony had reacted. Careful. Closed off, a bit like during their early days of dating.

So it was a surprise when Steve found Tony in the private kitchen the next morning. Tony never used the private kitchen, his coffee maker stood in the living room. Steve was probably the only one of them that used the kitchen.

Yet here he was, in this incredibly uncomfortable situation.

“Okay. Talk. Sit down for that.” Tony finally commanded, clearly already up for a few hours and hyped on caffeine.

Steve sat wordlessly down on one of those uncomfortable high chairs Tony loved so much..

Tony sat down too, but looked like he was hoping for something to swallow the tower whole. Or a mission. Something that just… ended this situation.

“Okay, JARVIS, no unnecessary interruptions please,” Tony said and then sighed.

“First, and most importantly, you have to listen. No interrupting, no asking questions or… anything, really. Please, just… let me get this out first, okay?”

Steve nodded silently, even more worried now.

“Great. Perfect. Good. So, it’s important that you know that I love our sex life. It’s fantastic and I wouldn’t want to change it, no matter how vanil… how usual it is. But, I’m what you usually consider kinky; Under certain circumstances, I like pain. It gives me pleasure. Sometimes less pain, more often than not, though, I prefer a lot of pain. I like to be humiliated sometimes - not always, obviously, and not with everything, but with the right things? I absolutely love it. Well, not _love_ love, but… well, it’s difficult to explain, but in the end I love it. And the smaller aspects of someone being dominant and just… showing that. Manhandling, a backslap, downtalking, those things And a few other things.. A few other aspects.” Tony explained, not even fidgeting and Steve just felt… stupid. Overwhelmed. Shocked. Interested. Everything at once.

“Overall, it’s a part of something that’s called BDSM. There are a lot of acronyms for it. Usually, it’s bondage, discipline, sadomasochism. The D and the S are sometimes exchanged for dominance and submission. It doesn’t exclude each other and you don’t have to decide what it is for you.” Tony finished, looking relieved to be finished before he took a deep breath and then looked expectantly at Steve.

“Your turn now.”

His turn. But… what… Tony liked… what? It was just… he wasn’t… that was just….

“I’m not going to abuse you,” Steve finally burst out after a few seconds, causing Tony to wince. Which confused Steve only further.

Tony said he wanted to be abused! But… who wanted to be abused? Sure, Tony’s childhood may not have been pretty but that... that was just…

“It’s not abuse, but I can see where you are coming from. In abuse, the victim has no say in it, can’t stop it, can’t end it. In BDSM, the submissive part, the part you may think of as the victim, holds the power. They can say stop anytime they want, at least in a healthy relationship. I would give you…”

“You want me to abuse you” Steve whispered, interrupting Tony, still horrified at what the other man asked him to do.

“No. No one _asks_ for abuse, Steve. This is a sexual thing. Like… lingerie for some people or uniforms. But this is not a must-have, Steve. You asked what I meant yesterday. And it’s just that, that I like to get a bit hurt for pleasure. But only if it’s good for you too. That’s the thing with BDSM. It has to be fun for all parties. If one party doesn’t want to do it and gets forced, then it’s abuse. But if they don’t get forced, well, no harm done. Everyone likes different things. And if you say you don’t like it, you don’t even want to try it, then that’s okay. Just like I said, I love how it is at the moment and certainly won’t be mad if everything stays as it is.”

Steve thought about it and, thankfully, Tony stayed quiet. Steve _trusted_ Tony. So when he said he didn’t mean abuse, well… Steve wanted to believe him. But that just sounded so… unreal.

“Is there… are there books or anything?” he finally asked, noting the relieved look on Tony’s face.

He trusted Tony; Tony trusted him. The least Steve could do was to do a bit of research.

“Yes. I can have JARVIS upload them to your tablet if you like and let him send you a few websites. I can also try to answer any questions you have.”

Steve nodded and stood up.

“I… I want to read through those sources, first,” Steve admitted and went over to Tony and pressed a light kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. He started to walk out of the kitchen, almost forcing himself to turn around and smile.

“I just need to... to process everything before I take a look. Okay?”

“Sure Steve. Whatever you need.”


	2. Chapter 2

Steve still didn’t know what to think a few days later. He just stared at the man in the mirror, not knowing if he saw a man who could hurt his boyfriend, even if he wanted it.

He still hadn’t looked at those books Tony referred him to. One evening, when he felt brave, Steve had opened a few links Tony gave him. And it hadn’t been that bad. Not until Steve had thought to look up a few porn videos (yes, he did know that this was a thing, thank you very much). 

Steve knew that he had watched videos with some of the harder stuff and Steve knew that whips and chains and fire probably wouldn’t be what Tony wanted. Even if he did, Tony probably wouldn’t start with them.

That didn’t change the fact that Steve had _seen_ those things, that he asked himself if Tony wanted to be… to be whipped. Tortured. Hell, one of those videos featured a paddle with very sharp looking spikes!

Steve sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face before he turned away.

Tony had said he loved what they were doing. And Steve believed him. But that didn’t mean that he was completely satisfied, right? What if there was always something missing for Tony?

Steve sighed and walked out of the bathroom just to be met with the reason for his worries. Not that it was Tony’s fault. How could it be? 

“Hey soldier,” Tony grinned, also half naked, grinning up at him.

“How’s it going?”

Steve knew what Tony wanted. God, any other time he would be on board, because Tony was still a bit streaked with motor oil, half naked and had been waiting for his turn at the showers. And Steve’s cock was on board with it too, if the way it started to fill was an indicator. Then there was the image of that paddle again, the one with the spikes The sound of the screams from the man that got paddled with it, leaving small dots, some of them bloody. And Steve just… couldn’t.

“Slow.” Steve said with an apologetic smile, “I’m just tired. And still hungry. Still trying to work things out and didn’t really have the chance to take a deeper research.”

It wasn’t even a lie. Not really. He had just… stopped looking.

And Tony? Tony just continued to smile and shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter, Cap. There are so many, many other things we can do for fun. Maybe you could help me to try some of them out in the shower?”

Steve wanted that. He really did. But he didn’t want to disappoint Tony, either, and he just… couldn’t.

“I would love to, Tony,” Steve said and pressed a lingering kiss on his boyfriend’s mouth, “But not today. I’m really tired. I’m just gonna make me a sandwich and then probably go to sleep right away. You want one, too?”

He pretended that he didn’t see the way Tony’s face fell. That he couldn’t see the disappointed look. It was only there for a second before his mask slipped into its place but it had been there. He had hurt Tony.

“No, thanks. Have fun,” Tony murmured, going into the bathroom without looking back. Steve could even hear the lock click shut.

Steve winced and went to the kitchen. Not their own. That would be… god, he was actively avoiding Tony now. Great. Exactly what should happen in a relationship.

Steve didn’t bother to look around when the elevator stopped on the common floor. He just went straight into the kitchen and had just pulled a few ingredients out of the cabinets when a loud crunching interrupted him.

He possibly dropped the toast. He definitely would deny it. But he would never deny the relief he felt when there was just Bucky, sitting at the counter with a bowl of chips in… was that milk? Steve shook his head and smiled.

“Hey Buck. Didn’t see you. Nightmares again?”

“I know. No. What’s wrong with you?”

Yeah, right to the point, like always. Steve sighed and shook his head, spreading butter on his toast.

“Nothing. What makes you think there’s something wrong?”

Bucky just raised an eyebrow and took another bite of his milk dunken chips. Who the hell drank… ate their milk salty?

“If it wasn’t the sigh, Stevie, it would be the way you’re standing here, making yourself a sandwich. I know that your private kitchen is stocked up. So, what’s wrong? Avoiding Tony?”

He could say no, could pretend that they weren’t stocked up on veggies. But Bucky wouldn’t believe that. Maybe peanut butter? No, Tony loved peanut butter. But how could he tell Bucky…

“Tony said he likes to be humiliated and being… mistreated during sex. He gave me links and websites and books and I looked them up and there was this paddle and I don’t think that I can do it, but it’s Tony and I love him and I really don’t want him to be unsatisfied or anything and it’s just… a bit much.” Steve finished lamely, horrified that he just… told Bucky this. Sure, Bucky was his best friend but… those were _Tony’s_ secrets. 

Nothing that should be shared widely.

Bucky still looked unimpressed.

“So? Then give him a hard slap, pull his hair a bit, call him your sweet, little whore and make him beg? I don’t see the problem. Bet he looks nice when he cries.”

Steve’s brain just blanked out. He blinked a few times at Bucky and tried to speak, but Steve didn’t know if his mouth still worked.

“I… I’m not gonna abuse him, Buck. Or... or… call him things he isn’t.” Steve finally decided to say. Bucky didn’t sigh, but he was wearing a look that said he thought Steve was being extremely stupid.

“The things Tony gave you to read, they talked about consent, right?”

Steve nodded.

“Good. So you know Tony would have a safe word. If he says that, mutters that, hell, screams it, the scene stops immediately. It’s not abuse because Tony would _allow_ you to say and do those things. I mean, he asked you, right?”

Steve swallowed and closed his eyes. He was just so tired.

“I.. know. Kind of. But.. what if Tony’s using it as self-punishment, Buck? I couldn’t live with myself if he did that.”

“Then he would probably ask everyone _except_ you. He asked you because he trusts you and you trust him. So, the important thing is, is that something you could imagine doing? Not necessarily the heavy stuff. But is that something that looks interesting to you?”

Steve frowned.

“Of course. I would try anything for Tony.”

Bucky’s mouth twitched.

“Never say that during a talk about kink, but I get what you mean. Is it something you see yourself doing as the dominant part or as the… let’s call it a submissive part?”

Steve opened his mouth and… closed it again. He didn’t know. He thought about it for a moment but that hadn’t been a question on the sites Tony sent him. He just hadn’t thought about it.

“I don’t know.”

Bucky nodded.

“Great. Then _talk_ to Tony, tell him what you told me, try things out.”

“Can you show me?” Steve asked and then clapped his hands over his mouth. That wasn’t what he had wanted to ask. Well, not what he had wanted to ask out loud.

But Bucky just laughed and stood up to put his bowl in the sink.

“That’s absolutely something you need to talk about with Tony. Good night, Steve.”

Steve just sat there, not replying, thinking about what Bucky said. No matter what he did, it always came down to having to talk to Tony.

Well, it was worth a shot, right?


	3. Chapter 3

It took Steve another three days until he finally felt brave enough to talk to Tony. But looking back, there were so many better ways to ask to talk to someone than “I think we need to talk, Tony”.

 _So many better ways_.

Because Tony just stared at him like he’d just destroyed DUM-E.

“I mean… nothing bad… I just thought about what you’d said and… that doesn’t sound any better, does it?”

“Nope, Cap, it doesn’t.”

Well, at least Tony was being honest. And at least he looked less wary than before.

“You have time now?” Steve asked, not knowing which answer he preferred. Tony hesitated and then gestured at the couch, settling himself in a chair at his desk. Distance, but not so much that it felt… well, distanced.

“Okay shoot.”

“Okay. I… First I want to say that I won’t abuse you.” Steve started and raised a hand when Tony opened his mouth.

“I know that this isn’t abuse. But I want to make sure that it’s not some kind of… self-punishment. I know that you can get that way, sometimes, and I just… I can’t do that, Tony. Not help you punish yourself. So I need to be sure that you won’t just… stay quiet when it’s too much.”

Steve waited a bit until Tony answered.

“Sure. I can’t promise you though that I won’t ask for something like a punishment. But it’s usually fun for me and not a real punishment. And yes, safeword is good. Anything else?”

Steve nodded and leaned a bit forward.

“I wanna start… small, I think. I don’t know if that would be enough for you. And I’m not sure if I can do name calling. That seems to be a big thing for you, and when I watched porn… I don’t know if I can.”

Tony made a thoughtful sound and looked straight forward for a few seconds before he nodded.

“That’s fair. We can try whenever you feel comfortable. If it’s something you like, then we can do it. If not, we can work around it or just leave it.”

Steve let out a relieved breath of air. Now the most difficult thing.

“I also talked to Bucky. About… this.”

Tony raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

“And he asked me something I wasn’t sure how to answer. If I see myself as the dominant part or the submissive. And I honestly I don’t know. Both things seem… well, interesting, kind of. But I’m not sure.”

That was it, now Tony would be angry. He would…

“Well, can’t say I’m very happy that Robocop knows things about me that I never intended for him to know. I would’ve preferred you asking me first, but then, well, he seems to know a bit more about those things than I expected, which is fine.” Tony said, not sounding angry. He didn’t sound happy either, but Steve took what he could get.

Okay. And for the dominant versus submissive thing - don’t worry about it. We’ll figure it out. And if you’re not dominant, that’s fine. If you’re a switch or a sub, that’s fine too. Like I said, there are still plenty of things we can do. And if there are things you’d like to try out sometime but not with me for any reasons, that’s also something we can talk about.”

Steve took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“I asked Bucky to show me.”

Dead silence. Tony didn’t even move.

“Like, with you. Not… well, you know, before. But if you’re not okay with that, that’s okay. It was a dumb idea anyway and Bucky laughed at me.”

Tony was still quiet, but at least he started moving again.

“Wow. That’s… let me think for a second.”

It took longer. Steve sat there for almost half an hour before Tony answered him.

“Okay, so, like mentoring? Nothing more?”

Steve nodded and shrugged.

“I mean, there are lists for this, right? So, maybe we could try things from them?”

Tony let himself fall next to Steve with a heavy sigh.

“I’ll probably regret this somehow, but okay. We can talk to Robocop about it. Just talking, for now. And then we see. And this time _I’ll_ start that conversation with Robocop, okay?”

Steve felt as if someone lifted something very heavy from his chest. That was good.

“Okay.” Steve confirmed before slowly reaching out for Tony's hand, lacing their fingers together. There was a small smile on Tony's face when he squeezed and Steve felt like he could finally breathe again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a request, [just visit my Tumblr and drop me a message](https://ruquas.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Also, at the moment it could take me a bit to respond to comments due to heavy anxiety. I can assure you, I read the comment and will get back to you as soon as I can <3


End file.
